It has been a while since I’ve last posted on my blog, and I decided to give an update on my life. Actually, the last three posts were guest posts, and the last time I wrote was in May, and it was about the miscarriage I experienced in November of 2020.
Well, I am currently pregnant with my rainbow baby! 😀 I am super excited, but the first trimester was really rough, and I was sick all the time, which is why I had to cut back on a lot of things that I was doing, including blogging. Because I was so sick, I was also miserable. I couldn’t cook or do anything. On top of being physically miserable, I was also emotionally unstable. I feared losing the baby, and everything worried me. I felt depressed again with no motivation to do anything. So this brought guilt. The guilt of not being able to cook for myself nor my family. The guilt of not being able to take care of my family and the guilt of feeling miserable after I prayed so much for this baby.
I am beyond blessed to have the husband I have because he held everything down while I was struggling so much, and not once did he make me feel even more guilt than I already was feeling. He only kept reminding me that this is all temporary. My first pregnancy was a breeze compared to this one. I didn’t have any symptoms and only vomited once. With this pregnancy, I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve vomited, and I even ended up in the ER with how bad I vomited one night. I felt extremely tired and couldn’t get up from the bathroom floor, but luckily everything was okay. It was hard to make plans during this time because I didn’t know how I would feel that day.
Currently, I’m in my second trimester, and the morning sickness has subsided. I only feel sick occasionally. I would be lying if I said that I don’t sometimes worry about losing this baby. Being pregnant after a loss is terrifying and worrisome. Sometimes it’s hard to enjoy the journey just thinking about the worst-case scenarios. But I pray every day that I’ll be able to carry my baby to full term and that I can have a safe delivery to a healthy baby. I trust in God one hundred percent.
I know that miscarriage and pregnancy after a loss isn’t talked about often, but I feel like it should be. It does happen more often than we think, unfortunately. Although I know that it is not an easy topic to talk about, but who can relate more than someone who has gone through the same experience as you? I am available to speak to anyone who may have questions or needs a listening ear.
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